“She is SO negative and critical," I said to a friend over the phone. "I can't even talk about her any more." Apparently I could, because I spent the next ten minutes elaborating on how judgmental SHE is.
“Here I am, criticizing her for being so critical….” I said this out loud as I marveled at my great insight. But then I jumped right back in the sewer …”Can you believe, she….”
Mind you, this person does not affect my life. She's not in my family. She doesn’t even live in the same state. Yet, I managed to spend my time, energy and attention on her.
I tell myself: “It’s harmless. So what, I kvetch here and there? Sometimes it feels good to vent a little. Everyone does. So, I put some garbage out into the universe. And yes, it’ll probably come back and hit me in the face. I won’t do it again. Okay I probably will…So what?”
My wise self (think Julie Andrews as Mary Poppins) responds: “I think you’re missing the bigger picture. This is about you. Why else would you be so keyed up about this particular person? Perhaps you can’t stand the fact that you’re still critical after all your “personal growth”.
ME: “Your right, I’m PROJECTING…again. I hate that. But, you have to admit, I’m pretty good at it – while most people are judging others on appearance, abilities, choice of partners, religion, politics … I’m applying a much higher level of judgementalness. (This is not actually a word.) Okay, Okay. You’re right - I don’t want to participate in the root of prejudice, hate, war and that which will likely end all life on the planet. I’m busy. Make me one of those walking freak shows that live in confidence and peace.”
Julie Andrews: “Did you just call me a walking freak show?”
ME: “ Please - can we just excise or exorcise that part right out of me - the part that judges others, the part that judges me. Here, I’ve got a scalpel, okay a butter knife. Do what you can.”
Julie: “ I’m not going to do anything. You’ll decide “which side of (your) history you’re going to be on.” (She’s been listening to too much NPR). As long as you’re judging, you’re not where you want to be. If you’re projecting your rubbish, your probably also projecting your potential. Keep searching for your truth. Before you know it, you’ll be that walking freak show you so admire. I think you’re getting closer.”
For Part Two of "The Fine Art of Projection" please click this link